1. Do Process
Grading papers is a slow process. A teacher must note not only suggestions, but the reasoning behind them. This takes time – so much so that my father, who is not a teacher, looked on in disbelief as I corrected a student’s essay.
‘You’re writing more comments?’ he fretted as I put pen to paper yet again. ‘Just write DB. I knew an executive who used to do that. All you need is DB.’
‘What’s DB?’ I asked.
‘Do Better.’
2. One More Reason I Have an Issue with Bill Gates
My students have a tendency to let Spellcheck run amok, setting it loose on their essays without verifying individual changes. This can lead to strange results.
Sitting down with one student who had meant to refer to Leonardo da Vinci, I asked, ‘Do you see what it says here?’
‘Yes,’ he replied sheepishly, as I pointed to where he – or rather, Spellcheck – had written ‘Leonardo Advance.’
‘And what about this?’ I asked another student. Her essay’s introduction mentioned ‘naïve Americans.’
‘I thought you were going to argue that some Americans may not be strong in geography,’ I explained, ‘or may not be politically engaged. But reading deeper into the paper, I saw you meant something quite different.’
‘Yeah,’ the student admitted, ‘it should be ‘Native Americans.’’
3. Why We Still Love that Writer from Stratford-upon-Avon
Ah, Shakespeare! The Immortal Bard has become the bane of students who struggle through month-long lessons on Hamlet, Macbeth, King Lear, and Shakespeare’s other great and not-so-great plays.
And yet, as a fan myself, I wasn’t ready to give up on him in my own teaching. Predictably, my students groaned when his name appeared in the syllabus.
‘Don’t worry,’ I assured them, ‘we’re reading just a few of his sonnets.’
Instead of giving Shakespeare his usual starring role, I’d tucked him into a three-week lesson on poetry. If the students were less overwhelmed by his work, maybe they’d appreciate its genius more.
The next essay the class turned in showed that the plan had worked – even if proof of it was expressed in a less than Shakespearean way.
‘Shakespeare does a good job dragging the reader in and making them have a good time,’ one student opined. Another had more basic praise for what had impressed him: ‘He gets his point across without making any grammar mistakes.’
4. Chalk It Up to Good Advice
Despite my years of teaching, and holding one-on-one student conferences, some of my insights into student life come simply from the bathroom graffiti on campus.
Each bathroom stall has a blackboard and chalk precisely for such freedom of expression. This week, a new item appeared:
‘I have a bad crush on this guy but he has a girlfriend! I don’t know how I’ll ever get over him!!!’
Below, another student had already responded: ‘Sleep with him – that should do it.’
5. The Fire Drill and the King of Cake
During a fire drill at my university on the last day of classes, I took advantage of the forced evacuation from my office to wander over to the farmer's market, which takes place on campus each Thursday. Despite the market’s having just a handful of vendors, a varied fare is featured: Belgian waffles, organic produce, pita bread and hummus, kettle corn, tamales – and assorted cakes and cupcakes at a stand called Kingdom Cake.
I perused pastries while most of the other evacuees were preoccupied with a single question: over and over again I heard, ‘Do you know what set off the fire alarm?’
The King of Kingdom Cake – a tall, dark-haired, and T-shirted guy with sunglasses and a baseball cap – joked with me, ‘I did it! I set off the alarm so everybody would be out here to buy my cupcakes!’
‘Oh, right,’ I laughed, ‘it’s the last day of the market, isn't it?’ ‘Yes,’ the King said, suddenly shouting, ‘Fire sale! Fire sale!’
6. The Usual Drill (Sequel)
At noon on a Thursday – not just any Thursday, but the last day of instruction, when professors give final exams and collect term papers – the fire drill sounded. It was alarmingly loud, as an alarm ought to be, and its harsh noise, along with the emergency crew that knocked on each door, easily convinced us all to evacuate the building.
Outside, students, faculty, and staff waited for news. Some sat on the stone stairs, some spilled into the street, several chatted with friends or were busy texting, and others looked anxiously toward the building, wondering when they would get back in.
A colleague I ran into asked, ‘Do you know what caused the drill?’ ‘Probably someone trying to get out of a final exam.’
‘Yes,’ she laughed, ‘I bet you're right!’
‘It happens every semester around this time,’ I said.
She confirmed, ‘my students wish it had happened an hour ago.’
7. On Closer Inspection
After an earthquake in California, the superintendent of a local school district sent a recorded message to all district employees. The message specified that the school buildings had been inspected, and were safe.
His missive, meant to be reassuring, was anything but! As the recording went on, the superintendent’s words became harder and harder to understand.
My brother, also a teacher, called me and played the message over the phone as he exclaimed, ‘Did you hear that? Maybe it wasn’t only the earth that got sloshed!’
8. Gone Girl
A friend who’s a professor at my university confessed that she'd decided to retire at the end of the year.
‘Don’t tell anyone,’ she warned. ‘You know how they are in the department.’
At each end-of-the-year department party, any colleague stepping down is lauded with lengthy speeches and toasts, praising his or her contributions to the university and to scholarship.
I tried to object to my friend’s secrecy: ‘Don’t you want them to mention the legacy you’ll be leaving?’
‘Oh, no!’ she shuddered, ‘it’s like several more nails in the coffin.’
JENNIFER ARIN is currently undertaking a PhD in Creative Writing. She is completing a literary fiction manuscript and will soon begin the search for an agent. She is also spearheading a film preservation project for her father's work, a producer of anime for English-speaking audiences. She teaches English and Writing at San Francisco State University, and has won awards for excellence in teaching and academic advising. Her poetry and essays have been published in literary and academic journals. More information about her writing can be found here.
