The Sky Around My Father by Emilie Jelinek

'Even in their brief moments of harmony, she deftly moves from safety to threat' - Imtiaz Dharker, for Bloodaxe Books, publisher of the winning pamphlet

Selected poem from the winning pamphlet

Concerto in D Minor for Two Violins

I never thanked you for teaching me.
We were always in harmony playing Bach:

I began – you followed, your ritornello the counterpoint
to each of my phrases, or was mine to yours,

our notes mirrored each other like a murmuration,
birds on a page, recurring themes playing over

in my head. Your great grandfather’s Stradivarius
pinched between your chin and shoulder,

mine never had a sound as rich but still, we managed
to chalk the air with our bows, rosin billowing

on alternate chords, top D flying off E string.
No part dominates in this duet, arpeggiating

to a resolution that got me each time and stuck
in my chest, a cathedral of repressed notes.

Some days, father, I hear it still but can’t remember
which part you played, or where you came in.

How I did it

I lived all over the world for many years, including Afghanistan, working for the UN and various NGOs. Sometime later – during lockdown – I did an online life writing course led by Kathryn Bevis, to try and make sense of those experiences in a memoir, but found that childhood memories kept creeping into the text.

When I saw Kathryn was also leading poetry workshops, I signed up for those too and realised immediately that this was my medium.

I later enrolled on the MA in Creative Writing at Bath Spa University, where I was taught by Professor of Poetry Tim Liardet. I remember him saying that emotional energy tends to solve everything – if there’s enough of it, it will get you from the beginning to the end of the poem.

The poems in this collection are about my relationship with my father. It feels like a story I’ve been trying to tell my whole life. They were hard to write because my process involves reinhabiting moments so I can feel them again. I wanted to convey the conflicting emotions of a girl who loves and admires her charismatic and brilliant father but is also afraid of him. I wanted to capture thatcomplexity.

We used to play the violin together, he made me practice each day; looking back I’m so glad he did. To take myself back to that time, I played Bach’s Concerto in D Minor for Two Violins on repeat, day after day. I’d sit on my bed with my laptop on my knees, listening to different recordings of the same piece of music, until it became a visceral sensation – of fear, love, music. Once I achieved that state, the words came quite quickly, but the process uses a lot of adrenaline. Afterwards it’s like resurfacing from a realm several leagues under the sea.

EMILIE JELINEK works at the World Bank on their Climate and Health Programme. She has worked in Afghanistan, Russia, Myanmar, Haiti, Côte d’Ivoire and Mali. Her publications include Wing Formula (Against the Grain).

The Sky Around My Father will be availble on the 25 September, direct from www.bloodaxebooks.com